Here in Royal Oak, Mich., housing is just as hot as anywhere. Take, for example, the lofts going up downtown. The sign hyping these trendy abodes joyously touts “starting at the 290s.” (Note that the last two digits on the sign have been replaced, suggesting that when the project broke ground that starting price was more merciful.) Curious, I plugged that number into my handy mortgage calculator, hoping to give me a clue as to the class of people that can afford to pay that much for what is essentially an apartment - albeit an über-bitchin’ one.

For the sake of this scenario, I figured a roughly 10 percent down payment of $30,000. After inspections, closing costs and fees, I estimated a mortgage amount of $268,000. The interest rate I used for this story problem was 6.125 percent, but clever shoppers might get a little better. Trying to keep payments low, I financed for 30 years.

The resulting monthly payment? How’s $1,628 strike you? And that’s just the mortgage. In addition, don’t forget about PMI (less than 20ish percent down, remember), and association fees (lofts seem to act like condos in this respect). Just estimating, $2,000 a year in PMI breaks down to $167 per month. Tack on $300 per month in association fees to cover common areas (like that “private fitness center” in the basement). Now, I’m sure I’ve forgotten some other costs, but we’re already talking $2,095 - for a loft.

I clicked through some of the floor plans. The smallest unit I found was a two bedroom, two bath measuring 1,068 square feet. Raise your hand if you can afford to pay $2,095 per month for that. Okay, I see the hands of a few doctors and lawyers. Oh, and the retired couple in the back that just sold their home in LA for a mint, and want a slower-paced lifestyle.

My favorite statistic out of all of this? After 30 years, the lucky owner has paid $586,000 for his or her loft, $318,000 of it in interest.

My second favorite statistic? The “80 percent sold out” also touted on the sign advertising the lofts. People are eating these up.

Kind of gives you goosebumps, doesn’t it?

My question is, why has it taken 15 years for this chimp’s handlers to push for smoking cessassion?

Sometimes, a news item’s just too snarky not to point toward.