A recent series of commercials has been bugging me, mostly because it’s an obvious attempt to pimp the sense of innocence associated with children (similar to Kids Say the Darndest Things, Cosby’s old show, but with self-serving corporate intent).

I’m sure you’ve seen them. There are several versions, but the first one I saw goes like this: A young teen sits in his disheveled room with a skateboard from the prop trailer. “Yeah, my room can get pretty dirty, but you know what’s not dirty? Coal.” What? Talk about a non-sequitur.

These ads are put out by an organization called learnaboutcoal.org. One could reasonably assume it’s funded by the coal industry. Visit the Web site. It’s a hoot, complete with a flashy Flash animation of the teen from the commercial. The animation, naturally, discusses and debunks all of the myths about coal - from a matter-of-fact, conversational teen perspective.

I applaud them for trying. But, I wonder about the efficacy of their (well-funded) efforts.

No. 16 of the Cluetrain Manifesto 95 Theses reads as follows: “Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone.”

My question is: Does anyone actually believe that the words “clean-burning” and “coal” belong in the same sentence? And, for those on the fence on the issue, are these commercials doing their job? I suspect not, because to me they sound about as natural as Phillip Morris advising parents on how to keep children away from cigarettes.

I’m sitting in Starbucks flanked by a gaggle (is eight a gaggle?) of children between the ages of stroller and five. All of them are restless, but they came in that way; it’s not like the women who brough them in got them coffees. That’d cost a fortune, anyway. So, the first burning question of the afternoon is, what kind of insane do you have to be to think taking an entire short bus full of youngsters to Starbucks is a good idea?

“Oh, we must be driving you absolutely crazy,” one of the adults says to me as I reread a paragraph for the fourth time. I’m trying to make it through Harmon Leon’s Republican Like Me.

“No, that’s okay,” I respond politely, reflexively, trying to manage a smile.

I guess I shouldn’t hate on them too much. It’s not like the adults gave the kids the car keys to play with. Oh, wait…

The second burning question is a more practical analysis of an unknown person’s intelligence. If you live or have a business near a Starbucks that charges for wi-fi, what would possess you to leave your hot spot open and unprotected?

I haven’t yet had the chance to see Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. An oversight, I know. But yesterday I did see Dead Man’s Chest. Wow.

It stands on its own as a quality cinematic romp. That is, I didn’t feel lost having not seen the first installment. The special effects are top-notch. Davy Jones, the tentacled legend of the sea, and his vile crew give the film a palpable darkness (which I’ve read a shade darker than the first movie). The Jones character is voiced by Bill Nighy, who played the stodgy Phillip in Shaun of the Dead - a personal favorite. Johnny Depp shows again what makes him one of the best acting talents of my generation - on a plateau with names like Brando, Hoffman and Fonda. Performances by Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom also shine.

And, the movie leaves viewers hanging with a few surprises at the end, giving a taste of the third installment At World’s End.

With so many bad films out there, it’s nice to find a pearl. High ticket prices often often have me thinking on the way out of a movie, “I want my $8 back; that was a waste of time.” This was well-worth the cost of admission. Hell, I wouldn’t have felt ripped off if I’d also spent $10 on a small popcorn and a coke. These pirates have earned their big booty.