Downtime breakdown (March)

I enjoy the Esquire feature “The Leisure Meter,” and look forward to its high-brow snarkiness in each month’s issue. Here’s my stab at it, with all due respect to the source.

This month’s downtime breakdown:

Chuckling at the knucklehead in Target who, despite being in his 20s, climbs into a shopping cart so his girlfriend can push him around like a toddler. 5 minutes

Shaking your head a few days later upon seeing a 40-something woman being pushed in a cart by her burly, biker man, and wondering if this is some sort of strange trend like bum fighting. 20 minutes

Listening to Damon Albarn’s gloomy new project, The Good, The Bad & The Queen, and thanking [insert deity's name] for Danger Mouse, who produced the release. 43 minutes

Lamenting that you still don’t own Blur’s Parklife, but should. 5 minutes

Treating yourself to a wicked-hot cup of Darjeeling double malt loose leaf tea. 30 minutes

Watching Guillermo del Toro’s new film Pan’s Labyrinth for its stunning mix of the beautiful and the terrible. 1 hour, 50 minutes

Trying not to overanalize its dense imagery. 5 hours

Giving a cat a solid belly rub. 10 minutes

Wishing you were a cat for just such an occasion. 30 seconds

Enjoying, albeit guiltily, Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show on VH1. 4 hours (four episodes this month)

Working “Step off!”, MC Serch’s Trumpish line at the end of each episode, in everyday conversations. 10 minutes

The (failed) 3-percent solution

Steve Jobs, a P.T. Barnum of our age, has called on major music firms to allow the sale of music free from digital rights management schemes.

“There is no theory of protecting content other than keeping secrets,” he writes in the open letter posted on Apple’s site. Secrets. To paraphrase Ben Franklin, three may keep a secret if two are dead.

The Reader’s Digest version of Jobs’ argument: DRM schemes protect such a small percentage of digital music as to be effectively useless. And, even if they protected a higher chunk of music in circulation, it only takes one hacker-pirate to spill their secrets onto the Web.

I agree.

I bought my first iPod in April, 2004. For about a week, I thought I would buy my life’s remaining music fix from a digital pusher: the iTunes Music Store. Then, I tried burning an MP3 disc directly from iTunes of tracks bought from IMS.

Wait a second, I thought. I can do whatever I want with music I buy on CD. But, if I purchase the same tracks from a digital source (essentially doing the record companies a favor by paying for tracks I could easily find on LimeWire and saving those companies distribution overhead), I run down a DRM cul de sac.

By the math in Jobs’ letter, the average iPod owner buys 22 tracks from the iTunes Music Store. (A recent third-party audit put it at 22.85, but who’s counting?) I think I fall into that average category. I know for a fact that I’ve bought much more than 22 tracks, but I buy a lot more music than most listeners. For the sake of argument, let’s say the total is 200 tracks over three years. My iTunes library currently has 7,912 tracks. That puts the DRM-protected music in my collection at roughly 2.5 percent.

When I was in school, 2.5 percent wasn’t a passing grade. DRM, in this light, seems like a miserable failure.

Where do I get my music? I buy the vast majority of it from used CD stores, cheap and DRM free. Take, for example, a recent purchase: Lyrics Born’s “Overnite Encore: Lyrics Born Live.” I had looked at the 2006 release on disc at Borders (sans DRM) for $16, but passed it up. I could have bought it from Apple for $10 (with DRM), but I waited. I ended up paying $6 for it at a local hole-in-the-wall, without the bother of limitations on what I can do with it.

Twenty tracks, six bucks, no asinine “secrets” keeping me from using my music in any reasonable manner I see fit. Which would you choose?

I understand the hopeful pang companies must feel for the logic of the DRM argument, but don’t think that argument can assuage their fears. Do bad actors use their music in unreasonable ways? Yes, no doubt. But let’s ask that question another way. If the major music companies suddenly chose to release all of their music without DRM, would consumers stop buying it? I don’t think so. The people who would steal music already are. The people who understand and consistently respect the value of what they listen to continue pay for their music, and always will, regardless of how it’s delivered.

Drop music DRM schemes. Pirates scoff at them and they put unnecessary limitations on honest consumers for the sake of giving music executives a false sense of security.

Apple, Beatles make nice

It looks like Apple Corps and the newly redubbed Apple have finally buried the legal hatchet, which may pave the way for the Beatles catalog on iTunes. Maybe all of the people who have downloaded pirated versions of “I Want to Hold Your Hand” in the years the companies have sparred will delete those files, and buy new ones.

Or, maybe not. But, you have to give Apple Corps credit for coming to their digital senses. The revenue’s going on the Web; they couldn’t have held out forever.

The Super Bowl (yawn)

Ever get the the feeling that you watch the Super Bowl only because you’re s’posed to?

That’s me. I don’t walk around saying, “football sucks,” or “avid football fans are dorks.” Truth be told, I don’t dislike football or those who prey at its logo-emblazoned altar. I’m just indifferent.

Why?, you might ask. It’s not you, football; it’s me. I’m just not that into you. And it’s not just you, football. I’m not into your fellow sports either: baseball, soccer (the other “football,” for Americans), hockey, golf, etc.

I think it’s the physical gamesmanship. I’m built on the small side of average. In my formative years, playground team captains chose me last. Always. That has an effect on a boy’s psyche. As I grew up, I gravitated to activities that didn’t involve physical competition. In high school, it was hackey-sacking. In college, it was juggling. These pastimes didn’t involve points or winning or innovative victory dances. It was just me, a couple friends and a crapload of Mountain Dew.

That lack of engagement with sports has led me to a “so what” approach to them broadcast on TV. The sometime exception is basketball. But it’s not much of an exception; that just means I’ll stop to watch once in a while when I’m channel surfing. I still know next to nothing about the sport (other than the basic rules), and don’t care to know. I know some of the big names, but wouldn’t know anything more from a hole in the ground.

Fast forward to today: Super Bowl Sunday, 2007. What am I going to do? Watch the game, of course, ’cause I’m s’posed to. Unlike a lot of people though, I’ll probably have the game muted except for commercial breaks and Prince’s half-time show. In lieu of the play-by-play (which, for me, might as well be in that clicking African bush language), I’ll be listening CDs I bought today: MC Serch’s Return of the Product (a classic I should have owned long ago) and Lifesavas’ Spirit in Stone, which I got on recommendation. I’m sure both have a better flow than the network’s commentators.

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